Let it Go.

     Today my little Rosebushes and I set out on an adventure.   We were headed to the library for a Pinkalicious Party.  If you're not familiar with Pinkalicious it's a series of children's books about a little girl who loves all things pink;  much like my Emma.  There was a promise of pink cotton candy at the end of the party so both kids were all in from the moment we left the house.  
     The real fun began as soon as we got in the car.  The Frozen Soundtrack was requested from the back seat passengers so I happily found it on the ipad and we were off.    If you read this blog often, or you know my kiddo, then you know that Emma is a true back seat singer.  She sings.  She dances.  She is super dramatic.  Now what you may not know is that she gets her car singing talent from me.  I am an absolute rock star in my vehicle worthy of winning Grammy or Tony Awards.  I have extreme stage fright though so I will NEVER EVER sing in public, NEVER.  Sadly most of the world will never know the depths of my talent.  Today we were doing a full scale mother/daughter performance in the car of "Let It Go".  Full voice, hand motions, awesome facial expressions,  the whole shebang.  We stopped at a red light just in time for the big finale so I could really get into it.  For those familiar with the song, "My power flurries through the air..."  The best part of the song!   Emma and I were AMAZING.  We gave our all. It was a magnificent performance.    I glanced back at Emma to congratulate her on a job well done and noticed that the car full of teenagers next to us were clapping and I'm not completely certain but one of them may have captured some of the performance on their cell phone.

Then I realized it...

I remembered that today was a beautiful day and we had been enjoying the cooler air with the sunroof open and the windows all the way down!  We had been at the light long enough for these four kids to enjoy a show that Idina Menzel herself would have been proud of.   I was horribly embarrassed but not Emma.  Emma stuck her hand out the window and waived.  She graciously took a small carseat restricted  bow and then the light turned green and our audience was gone.   As we continued on our way Emma said, "I really hope we made their day Mom."

I laughed told her that I am absolutely sure that they will never forget that awesome show.

The rest of our trip to the library was uneventful. When I asked Emma what her favorite part of the day was she said "When the people next to us in the car clapped for us.  We were stars!"  

My awful embarrassment was totally worth it because it made Emma's (and some random teenagers) day.

There's Gotta Be An Easier Way...

Today I was watching the news while my little Rosebushes played.   Typically neither little Rosebush pays attention to the news.  It's boring adult stuff.   On the news tonight they were talking about a man who used a Gopro camera strapped to his head to capture the drive to the hospital and birth of his son at the hospital's front door.  They showed the video and I guess Emma tuned into the laboring woman's screams of agony.  She started watching.  Her eyes were glued to the TV as the woman gets out of her car and starts screaming at her husband to come catch the baby.  Emma's eyes widened and she looked very concerned.  She turns to me and asked, "What the heck is wrong with that lady? "  I informed her that she was just having a baby.  Emma flew into a panic.  "MOM!  She's going to die! Who is going to help her?"  I explained to Emma that it was no big deal really, people have babies everyday.  Emma responds with "But Mom, who will sew her back together?"  It suddenly hit me as to why there was such confusion and panic on my daughter's face.  She has no clue how babies typically get out of the mommy's tummy.  Emma has seen me pregnant and come to the hospital when I had Jaxon.  We carefully prepared her for the event by telling her that that the doctor was going to cut mommy open and get baby Jax out.   We warned her to be very careful with mommy because the doctor had to staple her belly back together and it was very sore.   I guess it never occurred to me that this would stick with her forever and she would assume that all babies were born this way. I've never had a reason to explain it to her any further.
Emma continued to watch in horror as the poor woman on TV gave birth to her baby while standing in the curb in front of the hospital, sure to meet certain death when no one sewed her back up. Don't worry folks, the video was sensored!  That's when the questions began.  Emma was almost in tears worried that this poor mommy would die and who would take care of the poor baby.
Emma: "Mom,  what are they gonna do? Why aren't they helping her?  What if her guts fall out?  Did the baby just scratch his way out?"
As entertaining as the thought of letting my daughter believe that if you don't get to a hospital in time your unborn baby will simply scratch his way out through your abdomen sounded; I thought I should tell her the truth.   This is a little snippet of how the conversation went.

Me: "Emma,  babies don't typically get cut  out of their mommy's belly like you, Jax, and Maddie. That's only for special circumstances. "

Emma:  Super confused look on her face.   "Well, then how do they come out?"

Me: "Well most of the time they come out of your hootie-butt."

Emma: "WHAT? You mean they come out your ba-china? Like pee?"

Me:  "Ummmmm....sort of." Keep in mind that she's 5 and I don't want to terrify her.

Emma: "I don't think that's possible?  Are you sure?"

Me: "Yep, I'm absolutely positive.  Babies are born that way most of the time."

Emma: "That's gotta hurt your ba-china. "

Me:  Giggling at the last statement.   " Yeah I'm sure it doesn't feel good.   When you want to meet your new baby so bad some times you don't care how much it hurts. "

Emma:  "Seriously,  your ba-china?"  She shakes her head in disbelief and ponders for a second.  "How does the baby fit? "

Me: "Well Em it isn't easy.   God designed  mommy bodies to do amazing things and when it's time to have a baby your body knows how to get babies out. "

Emma: "God's pretty cool huh? That's awesome but I'm not sure your hootie was the best way out."

Me: "Me either  Emma."

Emma: "There has to be an easier way! I don't think I want to have kids then."

I laughed.  Hopefully this little conversation sticks with her for the next 20 years!

Class Notes

The summer is in full swing in the Rosebush garden. My little Rosebuds are really blooming and keeping me super busy.   I spend most of my days finding ways to entertain them,  it's exhausting mentally and physically but mostly a lot of fun.  I mean who doesn't love a job where you can swim on a daily basis or watch Frozen for the 432,652nd time in your PJ'S, in the middle of the day.  I truly love spending time with my two little nut jobs but some days I feel like I have accomplished nothing.  Today, I grabbed the mail, like I do everyday and in it was my quarterly Bellarmine Magazine.   I enjoy reading about all the things happening at my Alma Mater.  I am a proud Bellarmine Knight.  It's when I get to the Class Notes section and read about all the great things my fellow alumni are accomplishing that I feel really unaccomplished, if that's even a word.  Things like so and so from the class of 2004 was recently promoted to CEO of total world domination, or  Suzy Q. Overachiever has just earned her third doctorate in rocket science; sometimes those really make me feel like I've wasted some serious time and am a giant underachiever.    I'm not trying to knock down or discount my fellow alums achievements in anyway.  I'm just saying the things I have accomplished suddenly seem pretty insignificant.   I thought if I were to write a "Class Note" for my day today it would list the following achievements:
1.  Became a master plumber by skillfully using tweezers to remove toliet paper that had been shoved into the bathroom sink drain.
2.  Promoted to head chef by finally preparing a meal that EVERYONE in the house ate and enjoyed.
3. Squashed a rebellion amongst the natives in order to maintain peace in the land.    Twice.
4.  Received the prestigious award "Best Mom Ever".
5.  Had previously mentioned award rescinded mere minutes after it was bestowed.

So it's clear that I won't ever be a CEO of a major corporation.  I won't make millions of dollars.  I probably won't single handedly change the world.  What I will do is attempt to raise kind,  loving, intelligent,  wonderful little humans that may someday run a major corporation or be a world leader.  I may not use the excessively expensive education that I received at my fantastic university but I wouldn't change what I do for the world.  I love my little Rosebushes and the title of MOM is all I really need.

So Thankful

This weekend was the Walk for Wishes to raise money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.   Our family has participated in this event every year but one.  It was just too much to handle the summer after Maddie died so we sat that one out.   Now the walk has become sort of therapeutic for me.  It allows me to remember one of the best times that we ever had as a family with Maddie and tell our story to others.  I miss her so much! The walk allows me to do something good for others in her memory.  This year I set a goal to raise $5,000 as a team.  That amount seemed crazy when I started but it gave me something to work toward.  I spent the last 4 months bombarding my friends Facebook feeds with messages about Make-A-Wish.  I basically became a beggar, and for that I apologize.   I turned my friends and family into beggars, again I apologize. I went for months with little to no donations happening but a few weeks ago something amazing happened.    Donations started to pour in.  People I haven't spoken to outside of Facebook in years made donations.   I even had donations from strangers and friends of friends.  My team received donations from a friends I went to middle school with in another state.  There were donations from a fellow cheerleader from high school,  a coworker from a job I had in high school,  college friends, family, and even Maddie's former teacher.  I was overwhelmed at the generosity of people.    We had people sign up to walk with us from Indiana and Ohio.  One of our team members got her husband and two girls up extra early on a Saturday,  drove an hour and fifteen minutes to Louisville, and was there to walk with us at 9:00AM.   Did I mention that I'd never met her before?  She used to work with Fred and was so inspired by Maddie that she felt like she had to help us.  My best friend brought her family three hours south from Dayton,  OH so that she could walk with us.   My friends and family showed up in full force.  My mom's cousin Troy even showed up out of the blue to support Team Madison Hope.  My friends and family got up early, brought their kids out, and walked in the hot sun and I am inspired.
We weren't the biggest team there but we did raise 3rd highest dollar amount. We weren't a corporate sponsored team like the other two top fundraisers.   We were an angel inspired team.  Inspired by one amazing little girl that never spoke a word during her time on Earth but changed lives and hearts wherever she went.  We raised over $5,000!  We did it!  You did it! I am humbled, honored and inspired by all the support we had.  I honestly can't put into words how exactly I feel so I won't try.    I'll simply end this blog post with a big THANK YOU even though that doesn't seem adequate enough.  

Wake Up Call

It's summer time and the little Rosebushes still like to get up early.  Sometimes they get up extra early and find amazing ways to  wake me up.  This was one of those days!

I was laying in my bed this morning presumably having sweet dreams.  I felt a little tug on the covers and the bed shift with the weight of another human.   In my sleepy haze I heard a tiny giggle and 2.5 seconds later a 28 pound bundle of crazy launched himself onto me and shouted "GOT YOU!"  I glanced at the clock which read 4:34.  I grumbled.  What on the world has him up at this ungodly hour?  I rolled over to look at him only to discover that the little spider monkey was COMPLETELY NAKED.  No pajamas.  No diaper.  No anything!   When he saw my face he smiled and said "I'm naked!"  He stood up to get in a few good bounces on my bed in all his naked glory.   I asked,  "Why are you naked?"  His simple response was "I peed."
Oh well that's a simple enough explanation. Hold on.... you peed?

What?

Where?

Oh for the love of Pete where did you pee?

Please don't let it be on my bed!

Sometimes when you say you peed you really mean you pooped.

Oh God please don't let it be poop.   Not at 4:34 AM.

Suddenly my sleepy haze was gone and was replaced with mom panic.   I sprang into action.  Literally!

I first examined the naked little person bouncing on my bed.  Whew, no sign of poop!  Now I just need to go on a search and rescue mission for the missing clothes and di aper.  I scanned my room and didn't see it so it must be in his room.

My sleepy feet hit the floor and down the hall I went.   I didn't get far before my toe hit a puddle on the hardwood.   I flipped on the hall light to find  a trail from his room to mine.  

I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and cleaned up the trail and continued to his room.  Right there in the middle of his bed was a peepee filled diaper and a pile of  wet pajamas.  

I guess he didn't like the wet diaper or clothes so he decides to handle the situation in his own two year old way.

I cleaned everything up and quickly diapered and clothed my little nudist.  Since his bed was wet I fixed his pillows the way he likes them and snuggled with him in my bed.  I put on some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and back to sleep we both drifted.    

Everyday is a new adventure in the Rosebush house.  I just wish they happened during normal business hours.  

Now I have to go wash some sheets....

Burning Questions.

It's finally summertime and in the Rosebush growing business it's a really exciting time.  The little Rosebushes thrive during summer.  Now that Mr. FixIt has finally sorted out the pool situation the Rosebushes can stay thoroughly watered.    A few days ago Emma and I were out by the pool and she was swimming.   I refused to get in the pool because it is still pretty cold but I sat on the deck and watched her.  As she was swimming she was pretending to be a mermaid.   She swam in circles.   She did belly flops and back flops.   She floated around.  She sang Little Mermaid songs.  I enjoyed watching my little mermaid play now that she is  getting big enough to swim on her own.  As she was swimming along like Ariel she had an interesting question,  that led to more questions and a very funny discussion.  

E - "Mom,  how do mermaids pee amd poop?"

Me - "Ummmmmm.... I'm not sure."

E- "They don't have a butt or a 'ba-china'. "

Me - "I know that."

E- "So do they pee through their tail?"

Me - "Em, I seriously have no clue.  I've never given it any thought."

E - "Do you think Google would know?"

Me - "Doubt it.  Mermaids aren't real you know. "

E - "Ummmmm, I don't know about that.   8 think you might be wrong. While we're on the subject of mermaids, how do they have babies?"

I started to worry where this conversation was going.

E - "I mean do they lay eggs like fish or do they get them out of their bellies like people? How would they get them out of their bellies anyway? "

Me - "Emma, honestly I DO NOT KNOW! I'm pretty sure mermaids are not real."

E - "Yes they are.  I've SEEN Ariel at Disney World.  I bet she could answer my questions."

It was clear to me that no matter what I said I was going to lose the argument.   Clearly my daughter thinks I'm an idiot.  Maybe she's right because I clearly don't know my mermaid anatomy or anything about their reproduction.

Me - "Perhaps she could Emma.  Next time we go to Disney you can ask her."

E - " I will.  So can we go to Disney soon?   I really need this cleared up."

I love how this kids mind works.   I feel like the whole thing was a ploy to ask about going to Disney World.   It's really important that we answer these burning questions.   So if you know anything about mermaid reproduction or urination please let me know.    

Backseat Conversations.

Today while going about my daily business with my little Rosebushes I overheard a conversation that warmed my heart and made me cry at the same time.   Today Emma's BFF Macie came home from school with us.  The girls played for awhile at the house and then decided they wanted to go to Orange Leaf.   They had been good so I agreed to take them along with Jaxon.  As I drove the girls sat in the backseat and chattered. They have the funniest conversations.  Today was the best one I've ever heard. I only picked up part of the conversation so I don't know how it started but this is where I really started listening:

Macie:  "I'm gonna meet Jesus one day."

Emma: "Me too, but we have to get to heaven first. "

Macie: "Yeah,  I wonder what it looks like there? "

Emma: "I don't know but I can't wait to get there and see my sister again.  I miss her."

Macie: "Oh that would be awesome.  Can I meet her too?"

Emma: "Ummmm....Yeah....you're my best friend and she'd love you.  She didn't walk or talk here, but mom says she can in heaven.  I really want to see that. I bet she likes walking and probably dancing.  I really miss her. Sometimes I forget what she looks like and I get sad"

Macie: "She could play with us and that would be fun. If she likes to dance we could all dance....In princess dresses. "

Emma: "I hope she remembers me.   I was littler when she died so I probably look different.  I'll have to introduce Jax because she never met him."

Macie: "He's kind of crazy I hope she likes him. "

Emma: "She probably won't but he is her brother so she'll have to.  Maybe he'll be better in heaven."

Unfortunately we arrived at Orange Leaf and the conversation ended. Luckily I had on sunglasses and neither girl could see the tears in my eyes.  I really wanted to hear more because it was a conversation filled with such innocence and hope.  Emma rarely talks to me about Maddie and I often wonder exactly how much she remembers about her.  I've wondered if she would remember her at all as she grew up.   I think today's conversation cleared some of that up for me.  Emma will always remember she has a sister.  The memories of her sister will likely always be trapped in a three year old state because that's how old she was when Maddie died. At just 5 years old I think Emma understand life, death, and heaven better than most adults.  I love that she shares these little snippets about her sister with her friends.  It's good to hear her talk about Maddie and even better to hear that she obviously talks so frequently about Maddie to her friends that they feel like they know her too.    
I needed that conversation today for so many reasons.  It meant a lot to me.  I didn't mention the conversation to Emma because secretly I hope to catch more conversations like that in the future.