Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Season of change...

     It's been a summer full of fun Rosebush antics.  I have enjoyed spending everyday with my little Rosebushes and watching them grow, explore,  and laugh.  Like all good things they must come to a  end.              Tomorrow is the day!  I'm sending my baby girl off to her first day of Kindergarten.   I'm not sure how this happened so soon.  Wasn't it just yesterday the nurses were holding up this naked, bald, screaming,  gunk covered baby for me to admire?  In reality that was almost 6 years ago and that little baby has grown up into a blonde haired, blue eyed, bundle of sass.  She makes me laugh daily and want to pull my hair out at the same time.  Let me just take this time to officially apologize to my mom and dad because I'm certain she's just like me.  She says she's not nervous.   She says she's ready.  She says she's excited.  I, however,  am nervous,  unprepared, and most definitely NOT ready for this.  I worry everyday if she'll fit it.  Will she make new friends?  Will she behave?  Is she smart enough?  Have I prepared her well enough? Now logically I know the answer to all those questions is yes.  She'll be just fine.  My mom brain just works overtime and maybe I'm too overprotective.   If I feel this emotional about Kindergarten then sending her to college may actually kill me but thankfully that's a long way off.
Kindergarten is not the only big change in the Rosebush house though.  My days as a stay at home mom are also coming to an end. My plan for staying at home was to stay at home long enough to get the kids ready for school or until the perfect job came along.  I had been hoping the perfect job would hold off until Jax was ready for kindergarten but sometimes the best laid plans don't work like they are supposed to.   I was presented with an opportunity to do basically the same job as I had previously but for a different school. The best part of it all is that I can do it FROM HOME! Oh and the money was better than the job I left to stay at home so it was really hard to pass up.   I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to take the job.  I have felt a tremendous  amount of guilt for even considering it.  I felt like putting Jax in a daycare or preschool was screwing him out of this valuable time with his mommy.  I felt like I was choosing money over my kids and that  wasn't fair to them.   There were positives to taking the job of course.   The extra income would allow Fred and I to pay off all of our debt in less than half the time we had calculated.   We would have more disposable income for fun things like the trip to Disney that both kids have been begging for.  Preschool might actually benefit Jax because the poor guy has ZERO social skills when it comes to playing with other children.  I would get the chance to do something I'm actually good at and be an encouragement to other people who are trying to get their education and possibly change their lives for the better.  When I considered both sides it really made sense for me to take the job.  I visited a few daycares and preschools. I cried like a lunatic the entire time but found one that I was comfortable with that was just a few miles away.  I signed the paperwork and he starts Monday.   I am not ready for it but I think in the long run our family will benefit from me working.  
I am going to miss staying at home more than words.  I will probably continue to feel guilty for working  for a while but I have my eye on long term goals.   I have accepted that putting Jax in preschool and working DOES NOT make me less of a mom.  It makes me a mom that wants the absolute best for my family and is willing to whatever it takes for them.
So here's to new journeys and lot of tears for me and both the kids.  Say a prayer we all survive!