Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Kindergarten Graduation

It seems like just yesterday that Fred and I were sitting the principal's office at Christian Academy telling my high school guidance counselor (now the CAL principal) why Emma should go to CAL. I cried that day!  We'd been there for 2 years already in the preschool program but now we were talking about Kindergarten.  Kindergarten....seriously...real school.... I think I was in denial at that point.  Kindergarten was a far off thing, certainly not something that was going to really happen, and graduation from Kindergarten was not even a blip on my radar.  I guess we were convincing that day because they let her in and I was forced to prepare.  We did our summer reading.  We bought the uniforms and the supplies.  We met the poor soul that was going to be in charge of my wild child for 7 hours every day.  Bless Mrs. Curtsinger's heart!  We prayed just a little for the summer to slow down and for my baby girl to stay a baby just a little longer but without fail August came and so did Kindergarten.
I put on my brave face on that sunny August morning and dressed blondie in her uniform.  She was so ready for this new adventure.  She was so eager to learn to read, write, make new friends, and grow up.  This momma on the other hand was not ready.  It was really just yesterday that the doctor handed Fred and I this fat cheeked, blond headed, bundle of baby.  How did we end up here again????  I walked her in.  I took some pictures.  She kissed me goodbye and took her place at her big kid desk.  We were really doing this and I was the only one of us that seemed bothered by the day.  
Over the past 9 months I have watched her grow so much. She's not only grown physically, proven by the shortening of uniform pants, skirts, and shirts, but she's grown in so many ways.  She's grown spiritually.  She prays daily.  She sings about Jesus.  She loves to read her Bible.  She's become so independent.  She's learned to read.  This one happened overnight, literally!  Okay, maybe not literally, but it felt like it.  She reads everything, including my text messages!  She's gone from my little baby to this grown up little girl in such a short time.  
Tonight my grown up girl put on her little cap and gown,  the first of several in her future I'm sure, and she graduated.  She made it!  We both did!  We survived Kindergarten!  The kids sang songs and recited scripture and were really too cute for words.  As the kids got their "diplomas" the teachers read aloud what each child wanted to be when they grew up.  The answers ranged from teacher and doctor to wrestler and jockey.  My daughter said preacher.  She wants to be a preacher when she grows up because she wants everyone to know about Jesus.  Cue the teary eyed mommy!  We shall see how that changes as she grows but I'm glad that even at 6 she has a heart to serve others.  
This kid pushes my buttons on a daily basis but I am so very proud of her.  I am thankful that I was chosen to be her mommy.  First Grade here we come.  
I've decided to share a few pictures from this school year.  They are in chronological order from August through now.  It's amazing to watch the changes in all the kids.  

The class at the beginning of the year.  


Twins Day


BFF and Partner in Crime Macie
I hope we get to take a similar picture in 12 years when they get to high school.  

BFF and also partner in crime Ellie
These two kids are already running cons on me.  

Mrs. Curtsinger - She also survived the year!  

Mrs. Carson the Principal and also my high school guidance counselor.  
She said I made her feel old.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Mother's Day

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog but I feel like this post is something that I need to say.  I promise I will start to post again on a more regular basis.
 Yesterday was Mother's Day and in the last 3 years it's become a day that I have mixed feelings about.   Don't get me wrong I love my mom and my step mom.  They're both great and I'm so thankful for them.  My feelings about Mother's Day have more to do with my own motherhood experience.
You see I became a mother 15 years ago.  Wow,  writing that seems super unreal.  I was never prepared to be a mom.  I had no idea what to do with a baby.  I'd barely even changed diapers!  I'd never expected to leave the hospital with a baby when Maddie was born thanks to the grim prognosis of nearly every doctor I saw.  I once heard someone say that having a child is like feeling your heart beat outside your body and I think that is true.  I  knew as soon as I laid eyes on that little girl that my heart would never be the same.   Three days after she was born I was packing up a special needs newborn and leaving the hospital.   Thank God for my parents because I'm certain I wouldn't have lasted 30 minutes alone with her.  That little girl taught me more about life and unconditional love in her lifetime than I will ever be able to share and she never spoke a word.   She gave me purpose in life.  She changed me in ways I can't even put into words.  She made me a mom.
Since her birth I've been blessed with two more happy, healthy,  headstrong and beautiful children.   They are amazing and everyday with them is an adventure, but if it wasn't for their big sister I don't know if I would have been ready to love them like all children deserve to be loved.
It's hard to celebrate Mother's Day without a third of your heart.   A piece of me is forever missing and sometimes on Mother's Day that hole in my heart feels as big as the Grand Canyon.   Inevitably on Mother's Day a stranger will ask the question I hate most in the world, "How many children do you have?"  This question is so hard to answer,  if I say 2 I feel like I've forgotten about my baby girl.  If I say 3 then I have to explain where #3 is and deal with the awkward moments that follow.   So usually I just avoid that question altogether.  
On Mother's Day I received well wishes from lots of family and friends and largely ignored them.   That's not to say  I don't appreciate them.  I just feel a little sad on this day because my first born is not here.   I know that's probably sounds selfish but that's where my heart is.
I'm sure Mother's Day is difficult for many women out there, not just me.  So please if you read this stop and say a prayer for all those out there who struggle with Mother's Day.   It's just another day but it can stir so many emotions.