Friday, July 11, 2014

There's Gotta Be An Easier Way...

Today I was watching the news while my little Rosebushes played.   Typically neither little Rosebush pays attention to the news.  It's boring adult stuff.   On the news tonight they were talking about a man who used a Gopro camera strapped to his head to capture the drive to the hospital and birth of his son at the hospital's front door.  They showed the video and I guess Emma tuned into the laboring woman's screams of agony.  She started watching.  Her eyes were glued to the TV as the woman gets out of her car and starts screaming at her husband to come catch the baby.  Emma's eyes widened and she looked very concerned.  She turns to me and asked, "What the heck is wrong with that lady? "  I informed her that she was just having a baby.  Emma flew into a panic.  "MOM!  She's going to die! Who is going to help her?"  I explained to Emma that it was no big deal really, people have babies everyday.  Emma responds with "But Mom, who will sew her back together?"  It suddenly hit me as to why there was such confusion and panic on my daughter's face.  She has no clue how babies typically get out of the mommy's tummy.  Emma has seen me pregnant and come to the hospital when I had Jaxon.  We carefully prepared her for the event by telling her that that the doctor was going to cut mommy open and get baby Jax out.   We warned her to be very careful with mommy because the doctor had to staple her belly back together and it was very sore.   I guess it never occurred to me that this would stick with her forever and she would assume that all babies were born this way. I've never had a reason to explain it to her any further.
Emma continued to watch in horror as the poor woman on TV gave birth to her baby while standing in the curb in front of the hospital, sure to meet certain death when no one sewed her back up. Don't worry folks, the video was sensored!  That's when the questions began.  Emma was almost in tears worried that this poor mommy would die and who would take care of the poor baby.
Emma: "Mom,  what are they gonna do? Why aren't they helping her?  What if her guts fall out?  Did the baby just scratch his way out?"
As entertaining as the thought of letting my daughter believe that if you don't get to a hospital in time your unborn baby will simply scratch his way out through your abdomen sounded; I thought I should tell her the truth.   This is a little snippet of how the conversation went.

Me: "Emma,  babies don't typically get cut  out of their mommy's belly like you, Jax, and Maddie. That's only for special circumstances. "

Emma:  Super confused look on her face.   "Well, then how do they come out?"

Me: "Well most of the time they come out of your hootie-butt."

Emma: "WHAT? You mean they come out your ba-china? Like pee?"

Me:  "Ummmmm....sort of." Keep in mind that she's 5 and I don't want to terrify her.

Emma: "I don't think that's possible?  Are you sure?"

Me: "Yep, I'm absolutely positive.  Babies are born that way most of the time."

Emma: "That's gotta hurt your ba-china. "

Me:  Giggling at the last statement.   " Yeah I'm sure it doesn't feel good.   When you want to meet your new baby so bad some times you don't care how much it hurts. "

Emma:  "Seriously,  your ba-china?"  She shakes her head in disbelief and ponders for a second.  "How does the baby fit? "

Me: "Well Em it isn't easy.   God designed  mommy bodies to do amazing things and when it's time to have a baby your body knows how to get babies out. "

Emma: "God's pretty cool huh? That's awesome but I'm not sure your hootie was the best way out."

Me: "Me either  Emma."

Emma: "There has to be an easier way! I don't think I want to have kids then."

I laughed.  Hopefully this little conversation sticks with her for the next 20 years!

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