Have you ever had one of those days? A day that seems like no matter how hard you try or how organized you think that you EVERYTHING goes wrong. A day that you just need. "Do over" for. Well...today was that day. Today, I had a colossal mommy meltdown.
Fred has been working his new job now for about a month. He likes it a lot. He feels both appreciated and challenged. This is something he has missed in last two jobs. The downside is that he now works second shift. This was not a surprise, and it's something we discussed at length before he took the job. I just didn't anticipate how much "quality time". I would have ALONE with my kids. I wake up in the morning, get Jax ready for school, and drop him off. Fred sleeps. Emma wakes up and I feed her breakfast, argue with her about iPad usage, reading time, and chores. Fred sleeps. I attempt to do some household chores, on most days I find time to shower, and I do all of this while working my full time job. Fred wakes up gives me my list of things that he needs me to do and interrupts me at least 20 times while I attempt to work. At some point Emma will ask for lunch and since for some odd reason my kids never ask their father for anything she comes to me! I will fix her something or give her permission to fix it herself. If I pick the latter then I have to take time to clean up her mess. Fred leaves for work mid afternoon and then it's all me. I have to finish my work day, pick Jax up, probably still work some, drive to whatever activity Emma has, keep the house from falling into squalor, fight both kids to go to bed, and who knows what else. I do everything single thing I need to do each day with at least one kid, even use the bathroom. Trust me, in this house someone is always coming in the bathroom. On most days I make it to bed about 30 minutes before Fred comes home.
I tell you all of this because today I failed at life. Today, nothing went right. Today, started for me on the couch where I woke up with a sore neck because I gave up my bed to snorey-mcsnorer and Jax the 4 year old bed hog. I followed my usual routine and managed to get Jax ready for school except I put his shoes in the wrong feet. The poor guy suffered like that until we got to school and I thankfully realized my mistake before taking him inside! I came home and attempted to feed myself. I carefully cut up some fruit, then added some vanilla Greek yogurt. I was going to eat a healthy breakfast. I took one bite and realized the yogurt was bad. Yay for disgusting spoiled yogurt! I was super disappointed because I cut up the last of the strawberries and bananas only to cover them in nasty yogurt. Who needs breakfast anyway? I decided to just pour myself into work only to discover that today I failed miserably at that too! That story is too long to tell but nothing I did or said seemed right today. Emma had a friend over today and they played so much I forgot to feed them lunch. Seriously, who forgets to feed two kids? I made myself feel better by blaming them because they never asked for food. They did snack so I guess that wasn't a total fail. I went to pick up Jax at school and managed to shut my own finger in the car door. It's only a little bruised and probably not broken. I refrained from saying any bad words so I'm actually going to call that a win! I planned my day so carefully. I moved calls with students and finished up things early to take Emma to taekwondo today since I can't take her tomorrow. I got her ready and rushed both kids out of the house. I somehow managed to rip off one of my nails while getting everyone in the car. I drove like a crazy person to get there on time. I got there with 5 minutes to spare! Then I looked at my calendar to discover that I had mixed up the Monday and Wednesday class times and her class wasn't for another hour and 10 minutes! As I sat in the parking lot, Emma talked non stop about how goofy I had been to mix up the class times. She also decided to let Jax out of his car seat. It was like someone freed a rabid monkey and he bounced around the car like wacko! This is when all the stress of the day hit me. All the balls that I constantly juggle came crashing down on my still throbbing finger. I sucked at work today. I forgot to feed children. I mixed up the schedule. I yelled at the kids for no reason. As I sat in the car getting hit in the head with a flip flop from my rabid monkey I started to cry. I was just frazzled and tired and overworked. I was spent and I had no more to give; but it was only 5:30 and I still needed to survive until bedtime. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer. I really needed a little heavenly support at this point. Miraculously, my monkey got back in his seat and strapped himself in and Emma stopped her constant criticism of my parenting today and for once was quiet. I pulled myself together and took the kids for some food. We had an uneventful dinner and the kids were actually well behaved. We finished taekwondo and headed home. When we got home both kids begged to snuggle me.
No matter my shortcomings as an employee, a wife, a mom, or an adult in general; my kiddos still love me. No matter how tired and weary my day, week, month, or year have made me, I'm still their momma and the center of their world right now. No matter how crazy they make me. The best way to end my day is with them by my side.
Now they are finally asleep and I've spent an hour typing this blog post on my cell phone I hope that you find it encouraging and possibly entertaining. I'm going to bed now and hoping for a better day tomorrow.