Monday, April 7, 2014

Road Trip with the Rosebushes

    Last Wednesday I received the following text, "Hey come visit us.  This is not a request it's a demand...Chop chop on the packing or we'll think you don't love us."  That one text got us thinking.   Fred had planned some time off and it was spring break so why not go on a spur of the moment 9 hour road trip.   It could be fun, right?
     I hate road trips,  especially road trips with children but we hadn't seen Fred's brother and his family in 6 months or so.  I made a few arrangements for the dog, covered  our soccer coaching obligations and started packing.  I packed everything for a family of four in a matter of a few hours.  That in itself deserves some sort of medal.  I also packed a bag full of all sorts or entertainment things for the kids.  When Fred got home from work we headed out.
   It was late and the kids were tired so they crashed pretty quickly!  Yay! Now the only thing I had to contend with on the first part of this journey was Fred,  my sometimes oversized adult child.  Fred volunteered to drive the first leg and told me to get a quick nap.  The problem is that Fred drives like a maniac.   He sets the cruise and then his goal is to not hit the brakes, no matter what the road or weather conditions are.  Every time you drift off to sleep you are suddenly startled awake by sudden movement of  a lane change or crazy curve.  The lines in the road and speed limits are merely suggestions and mean nothing to Fred.   It's terrifying and I'm scared to die in my sleep so I stay awake.  I also sat shivering in my seat because apparently Fred made up some ridiculous rule that the driver gets to control everything in the car from the temperature to the radio. The kids were cozy with blankets but I had to suffer because "the driver must be kept comfortable and happy at all times."  This rule also only applies when Fred is the driver because when it was my turn to drive I cranked up some heat but he kept messing with the controls and complaining like a school girl.   There was no use in reminding him of the rule because there are all sorts of scenarios that negate the rule. They mostly all boil down to him being a terrible terrible co-pilot.  He cannot help the kids with anything so I have to drive and deal with the kids.
     The kids were awake off and on throughout the night when we made potty and gas stops.  The late hour and confined quarters made for some super fun times.  Here are some highlights.
     -Emma announced "either I smell a skunk or I farted.  I'm not sure which." You truly have to hate it when that happens.
     -The kids had several fights over the ipad.  They each had one but for whatever reason wanted the other one.  That resulted in several screaming episodes.
     -There were several family sing-a-longs that I'm terribly sad no one was around to hear.
     -I refused to "unbuckle" Jax when he demanded it and he repeatedly shouted that I was rude.  He also told me to "go away" and "get out".
     Finally we made it in about nine hours.  I was amazed we made it.  We were all in one piece and everyone seemed happy.  Woohoo!

We had a great time hanging out with the other Rosebush family but all good things must come to and end.  We had to head home.  For whatever reason we decided to head out in the middle of the afternoon.   Dumb, dumb,  dumb idea.  Driving through some very scenic mountains during the day was beautiful but more daylight hours means more grumpy kid time awake.
    We stopped almost every hour and a half for all kinds of crazy reasons.  Every time we put Jax back in the car it got a little more difficult and he would scream a little longer.  Emma whined about everything from Jax looking at her to the volume of his ipad.  
    The best part of the return trip was when Emma announced she had to pee about four seconds after we passed an exit.  She started screaming that it was an emergency and she couldn't hold it.  Lucky for us there wasn't an exit for several miles so she decided to pee in her carseat!  Yay!  The total time from peepee announcement to peepee release was less than five minutes. When we finally reached an exit I was so angry I could spit nails.  We decided to get gas while we were stopped so Fred started pumping the gas and I went to get Emma some clothes out of the suitcase.  When I went to get Emma out of the car so she could go in and change I opened the door to find her completely naked.  I guess she couldn't wait to change.  I'm fairly certain she only mooned three or four people.   After she was changed we had to go inside and buy a $6 gas station blanket and get several plastic bags to cover her carseat with.   The carseat was covered and Emma was buckled in when Jax announced that he had also peed!  Seriously I was tired of dealing with urine!  I changed Jax quickly,  while Fred watched, and finally we were ready to get on the road again.
   The rest of our return trip was  just as crazy and the people at IHOP in Morgantown, WV will probably never be the same thanks to the antics of the mini Rosebushes.  You're welcome Morgantown!  
   After what seemed like 72 hours in the car, 400 stops, 96 meltdowns, and two wet carseats we finally made it home sweet home.  
I think it's safe to say that the Rosebush clan should only  travel by airplane for my sanity,  the health of my marriage, and the sanity of those we encounter along the way.

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