You want me to what?
Today the little Rosebushes had appointments with their pediatrician for their annual well child check ups. Emma spent most of the day worrying about whether or not she would be getting a shot at the end of the visit. Little did I know that there was one part of the visit that would cause more issues than a tiny needle.
As soon as we walked into the office I went to sign in and Emma announced that she needed to pee. The nurse at the desk heard her and informed me that we would need a urine sample today and handed me a cup. Really, a urine sample from a 5 year old? There are so many reasons this was going to suck. I go into the bathroom with BOTH kids. Emma sees the cup in my hand and goes into full panic mode. "What is that? " "Why do I have to pee in it?" The tears start. The whining starts. The argument starts. Did I mention that while I'm trying to coax my daughter into peeing in a cup that my son is running around the bathroom touching every possible surface yelling about how he needs to wash his hands? After what seems like an eternity I have at least convinced Emma to pull her pants down and sit on the potty. Her bladder is about to explode but still she refuses to pee. I'm squatting in front of her on the potty holding what has to be the world's smallest cup and begging her to pee. Suddenly the lights go off and I hear Jax laughing. "Hold on Emma! Don't pee now." I yell. The doctor's office has "kid friendly" lower light switches and my son had found them. In typical 2 year old fashion he had to flip the switch. I jumped up and flipped the switch back on and went back to my crouched position ready to catch the pee. I open the dreaded wet wipe, every woman reading this knows about the wet wipe. I explain to Emma that we need to wipe her "hootie" before she pees. She agreed to let me. I take the wipe and attempt to wipe her. She starts screaming hysterically as if the wipe is covered in acid! I don't know if it's because it's cold or new or because she just wanted to cry. I'm trying to calm her down when again the bathroom goes dark. I can't see him but I feel Jax run past me giggling. Again I get up from my crouched position in front of Emma and head for the light switch. This time I grab Jax by the hand before crouching back down in position to hold the cup. So here I am holding Jax's hand while he struggles to get free and holding a tiny cup just waiting to catch some pee if Emma ever decides to let it go. I'm totally prepared to get peed on at this point I just want this experience over with. Jax is screaming, Emma is "scared" to pee in the cup, and my feet are falling asleep, and now I'm breaking a sweat while I plead with her to just do it. FINALLY, she decides to pee! I manage to catch some without getting any on me and we are done! This whole experience from start to finish was a good 15 minutes. I deliver the the little cup back to the desk and the nurse is smiling. She says "how'd that go?" I fought the urge to throat punch her and simply smiled as I walked away.